Could you ever forgive the person who violently assaulted you?

Alle offers: Wait to worry about it until they ask.

No one has ever asked.

She’s not me but she could be - stocky body and all! Photo by Jared Erondu.

In the best possible way, I don't concern myself with forgiveness. I am living my live without a need for revenge and without the constant rage that came at me like a T-Rex in the first years of healing; and before healing, was that sparkling demonstration of everything I could not control yet would accept: bulimia and compulsive overeating.

Though I still struggle daily with compulsive overeating, I’ve come to a place where I understand my primary abuser’s situation without condoning it. I wouldn’t want to have lunch with that person. I don’t want that person anywhere near my child, near any child. There are times, when I think about specifics, that I still get into anger. Not often. I have places to go, people to see, books to write, hugs to give.

I’ve come to place where I feel deeply for my mother without any anger, let alone resentment. I see how she saved my life, despite her inability to protect me.

I feel deeply for the relatives I have that were also abused, who don’t seem be doing very well in their lives.

Yes, anger can still be there. So can pain and sadness. But no regret, no loneliness, and a lot-lot-lot of joy.

Interviewed on the South African podcast: Curious about Recovery.